Dear Daddy...

assalamualaikum~ :)

Just finished watching this video. It was so sweet that I almost cried. 

:')

Kalau ada yang betul-betul kenal aku, mesti tau yang aku ni jenis manusia yang suka act all tough and hard. I don't smile nor laugh at your jokes. All I did was, "ohhh". I don't even know how to express myself whenever you are telling me sad story of yours. I never sobbed for your sadness. And that's just how Adila Kaman rolls. She constantly fails in telling people how she loves them, how she cares for them. She just didn't know how to do it. And it is true.

And the same thing goes to my dad. I've already forgotten the last time I REALLY talked to him about something important in my life. For as long as I can remember, the older I get, the distance just seemed to grow, bigger and bigger.

*lap hingus*

Aku ingat, masa kecik dulu my dad was the one I looked up to. Everything was all about him. Whatever I do or achieve, I did it for his approvals and compliments. Seingat aku, belum pernah seumur hidup aku, mak jadi orang pertama yang aku akan cerita pasal kejayaan aku dalam pelajaran.

Ingat lagi masa sekolah rendah dulu, macam mana aku akan lari dan jerit pada abah dari bawah flat, untuk bagitau dia yang aku dapat nombor satu. Sampai abah kata "naik atas dulu". Eksaited tak ingat. Aku tak lupa jugak macam mana abah langsung tak eksaited nak sign buku rekod aku bila aku dapat nombor 10. Semua tu aku ingat. Trust me, I am still that little girl who gets all excited to tell her dad on every achievement she did.

I was a bright girl back then in primary school. And always made him the proud that he always wanted to be. But things weren't good when I started secondary school. Banyak main. Handphone, boyfriend. Gahhh.. Bila aku dapat masuk universiti, he was very happy! He even threw me a kenduri kensyukuran siap dengan khemah bagai. 

Masa diploma, it wasn't very hard and I managed to score almost every semesters. Selalunya result akan masuk via email tengah malam. And tengah malam tu jugak aku akan teruja nak mesej abah untuk bagitau dia, how I did in the final. Esok pagi-pagi dia akan baca and tells mama about it. Yeah. I can count him on that. Hihi. And for every semester that I get the Dean's List, he'll give me RM50. Haha. Kalau orang lain, dah dapat iPhone dah. LOL. Kidding.

:D

Tapi masa degree, all I did was screwing every semester. Degree banyak kerja menghafal and for lazybums like me, that'll never work out for me. First semester, I texted him my result. And when he called me, I was crying so bad that I really feel bad for him. Like I always said, I'll never regret myself for failing, but it will hurt me so much to fail to impress my dad. And that's just how I lived all these years. Ever since that, I no longer texted him on my results cause I sucked big time. Hewww... 

-______"

Dear dad,

I might be the toughest child to deal with, I don't laugh hard at your jokes, I don't call you, I no longer talked to you like we used to before, I don't know how to react at your doings, I don't listen and the list goes on and on... But trust me, you were the first guy in my life, you still are, and will always be. Sorry for being that stubborn daughter who doesn't know how to stop being jealous with her younger siblings. Maybe I do not know how to show you how much I love you (even all my ex-boyfriends had the same thoughts on that haha), but I do loveeeeeee you like very much! Though there will always be competition with them younger siblings of mine! And I'll win for sure. Bahahaha!!

Well...

I take after you physically, after all.